If I want to get as near to the truth as I can, about human behaviour – I always look to the time when men were animals, or almost animals. Way back to the cave-age, and stone-age times…
Because this is where our `modern` behaviour came from.
When man was half ape-man – if he caught another man fucking the female HE wanted…..or `HIS woman` – he would no doubt have killed the man straightaway. It didn`t matter then: there were no laws, no morals and therefore no scruples: you could kill someone then with impunity – and you never even had to `answer` to God…because in the mind of most ape-men, the concept of God would not have existed.
This is simple and natural animal behaviour. He has stolen and is fucking `my woman` = I am angry and jealous, therefore I will kill him. It is logical and reasonable behaviour (for an amimal or apeman).
But, as with most of our emotions – civilization has twisted and muddled our emotions and motives.
Now, we are often told that Jealousy is wrong. In the eyes of modern mores, it is considered unreasonable behaviour and is frowned up.
But of course, the fact remains, that Jealously is still a very understandable and natural emotion – albeit it a dangerous and turbulent one.
But…if the person is a `balanced` and reasonable type of person – ie, if they can control their emotions and `think` about their jealousy they might think like this…
First, in the short term, they feel as jealous as anyone else….. but then they think about it.
Jealousy is a negative and destructive emotion. It burns you up, and turns you into an ugly being. Our phrase is `he was consumed with jealousy` (or – `eaten up with jealousy`..or `all consuming jealousy`).
Speaking for myself, this is how I try to deal with jealousy.
(I won`t get jealous if `my woman` is `resisting` the guy`s advances. That is, if she is not encouraging the guy). Because I feel `safe`… I trust my woman and know she will not respond to him. So….even if the guy is doing his best to woo my woman – if she is not responding to him – I will not feel jealous.
Jealously only arises when a person feels or knows he is losing his woman…(or partner) to the other person.
But, if this happened to me……..(I was definitely losing her) yes, I would feel as angry and as hurt and as jealous as anyone else.
But only for a very short while.
Because, my attitude would be – if SHE prefers him to me, then what is the point of me torturing myself with jealousy over her? `They` are obviously quite happy with each other….and `They` are falling in love and enjoying life..it is ME who is suffering and full of anger and jealously. If I continue to feel burnt up with jealousy then I am the loser and the one who is suffering.
they are the winners.
If I had lost her to him, there is no point in feeling angry … she has gone and left me. I can`t win her back.
So….I would `let her go` and wish them the best of luck.
Then try to find myself another girl!!!
Of course, this is how I would behave (or try to behave). I realise other people would behave differently to me…they might go and murder the guy!
Have said all that – I still might feel `bitter` about losing my girl to another man – but bitterness is a different emotion to jealousy.
I would feel bitter and hurt if I had been good to my woman, yet she had still left me for another man. Because I wouldn`t understand why she would want to leave me, when I had been good and loving to her.
pen pal France